Your Angel
by Topsy
Summary: What happens to Doug when someone he loves dies?


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March 4th, 2002 

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This probably won't be a very long fic. I just had the idea and it was just a small thing that I felt the need to put on paper. Set during Season Five of ER. Like around the same time as Ricky Abbott, except that Doug nor Carol never meets Ricky. So that whole speel never happened. At least in this fic. Carol's not pregnant yet, either. 

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"What're her vitals?" Mark asked the paramedic as they wheeled an elderly car accident victim in. The medic rattled of a series of medical terms and Mark knew it would be hard to save the woman, despite the fact that she was currently awake and conscious. Her stats were dropping and she didn't look very good. Mark nodded grimly and swiveled his head to find some more help. 

"Carter, Carol, I need some help!" Mark called out as he saw the two walking down the hallway together. They turned to him and saw there was a critical patient and came running just as he pushed his way into a trauma room. 

"Carol." The old woman croaked from below. Carol looked down, surprised at hearing her name coming from the patient. 

"Mrs. Ross." Carol said, her heart suddenly beginning to pound. 

"Carol, is Doug here?" Sarah Ross asked Carol frantically. Carol nodded. 

"I'll find him." She said and looked up at Mark. He nodded, realizing the situation. He became even more concerned about saving this woman's life. It was his best friend's mother. 

Carol ran out of the trauma room and glanced in a few doors, looking for Doug. She didn't spot him so she ran quickly to the admit desk, curls bouncing behind her. 

"Jerry, where's Doug?" She asked. He turned to her. 

"Um, last I knew he was headed up the pediatrics ward." Jerry replied. 

"Damnit." Carol said and ran toward the elevators. Just as she arrived, they opened and she saw Doug. "Doug!" She called. He smiled at her. 

"Hey." He said. 

"Doug." She repeated. He recognized the serious tone in her voice and became prepared to work. 

"What is it?" He asked, going quickly to the admit desk to drop off a chart. 

"Doug, you need to come with me." Carol said urgently. 

"What is it, Carol?" She didn't reply, just took his arm. "Carol, tell me!" He said, worry overcoming him. She stopped in front of the trauma room and looked up at him. 

"It's your mom." She said. 

"What?" He asked and turned his head quickly to look into the trauma room. "Oh God. What happened?" He asked as he pushed his way into the room. 

"Car accident." Carol replied and came up beside Mark to help him. 

"Mom." Doug said and reached for the woman's hand. She gripped his hand as tightly as she could, but weakness was overpowering her and she could barely hold on. 

"Doug." She said quietly. He bent over her, running a hand over her hair. 

"What happened?" He asked. 

"It was icy and the car slipped. I hit a tree." She smiled a bit. "The car's smashed up." She said. Doug smiled. 

"That's okay. We'll get you a new one." He said. Sarah grinned a bit and closed her eyes. Worried, Doug looked up at Mark. 

"Her vitals?" He asked. Mark repeated them to Doug and Doug felt his chest heave with the results. She was going to die. Carol watched Doug quietly as she helped Mark, watching Doug realize he was going to lose his mother, and wondering if he would be okay. They all knew what her stats meant. It was going to be tough to save her. 

"Am I going to die?" Sarah asked quietly, as if sensing the mood of the entire room. Doug bent over her once more and tried to smile reassuringly. 

"You're going to be a-okay." Doug said. 

"You never could lie to me, Douglas." Sarah said. Carol, Mark, and Doug all smiled a bit. 

"I know." Doug sighed. "We're going to do everything in our power to save you." Doug said. Sarah smiled a bit and closed her eyes once more. Her body was exhausted. She knew she would be leaving this earth soon. And somehow she wasn't afraid anymore. She hadn't finished living her life yet, but she was ready for what was on the other side. Sarah forced her eyes to open and she looked up into her grown son's eyes. 

"I want you to be happy, Doug." Sarah said. 

"Mom, don't do that." Doug said. His chest suddenly hurt with an intense pressure. He wasn't ready to let her go yet. She couldn't say her good-byes. She turned her head a bit and looked at Carol. 

"Carol." She said and reached out her hand. Carol took it with a sad smile. "Take care of Doug. I know how much you love him. He needs you." Sarah said. Carol smiled and squeezed Sarah's hand gently. 

"You know I'll take care of him." Carol said and glanced quickly at Doug. She couldn't read his expression. Sarah turned her head back to Doug. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to see your children, Doug." 

"Mom, you are not going to die. Don't say goodbye." He said. 

"Better to be safe, than sorry." Sarah said with a smile. Her voice grew weaker and she closed her eyes for just a moment more before they fluttered open again. "I love you, Doug. You've always been my angel. Now it's my turn to be yours." Doug choked on his tears, holding them in, as he leaned over and whispered. 

"I love you." Sarah smiled slightly and closed her eyes. Her heartbeat ceased on the monitors. Doug looked up at them frantically before he looked at Mark. "Mark, do something." Doug said. 

"Paddles." Mark said. Carol, Mark, Carter, and the rest of the personnel in the room worked frantically as Doug stood and watched his mother. They worked for over fifteen minutes to get her heart back, before Mark finally looked up at Carol and then at Doug. 

"Doug..." Mark said. Doug looked at him. Mark shook his head. "I'm sorry." Doug simply nodded, knowing she wasn't coming back. Mark set the paddles back onto the crash cart. Carol met Doug's eyes and noticed they were dry. She sighed a bit, aching deeply for this man she loved. 

"I'll clean her up." Doug said. 

"Doug.." Mark said, beginning to argue. 

"I'll help." Carol said. Mark looked at the two of them and nodded. 

"Okay." He said and lead everyone but the two of them out of the room. Doug walked to his mother and touched her cheek. 

"You alright?" Carol asked quietly and walked to his side. He nodded silently. "I'm sorry, Doug." She said and slipped her hand into his. He squeezed her hand gently and smiled a bit. 

"Thanks for helping." He said. She nodded and dropped his hand as they began to clean his mother up. 

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A little while later Carol and Doug walked side by side down the hallway to the admit desk. Everybody watched them, everyone knowing what had happened by now. Mark came up to them. 

"She's ready to go to the morgue." Doug said. Mark nodded. 

"Alright. I'll send someone up. I want you both to go home." Mark said. 

"I can stay." Doug argued. 

"You only have an hour left. And besides, I wasn't giving you an option." Mark said. Doug sighed and nodded, to emotionally exhausted to argue. His mother was dead. He still wasn't sure he had comprehended it yet. 

"Thanks Mark." Carol said quietly. He nodded. Carol took Doug's arm and led him to the lounge. He walked with her, too numb to care who was watching. 

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After they entered the house, Doug headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. 

"Would you like some?" Doug asked. Carol shook her head. 

"That's alright." She watched as he set up the coffee machine. 

"Doug." Carol said. He turned to look at her and he saw the worry etched across her face. He held out his hand and she walked to him, slipping her hand into his. He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Are you okay?" She asked. 

"As okay as I can be." He replied softly. She nodded a bit before looking up at him. She saw the grief and pain in his eyes. 

"Doug." She whispered and raised her hand to his cheek. She rose on her tiptoes a bit and pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth. "I'm here if you need me." She murmured. 

"I know." He said and bent his head for a moment. She simply held him, knowing he was hurting inside. "I think I'm going to go to bed." He said. She nodded. 

"Alright. You go on. I'll be in in a minute. I'll just clean up the coffee." She said. He glanced at it. 

"I'm sorry." He said. She smiled. 

"Go on, go get in bed and let me worry about this." She said. He nodded and slipped out of her embrace. She watched him go before she began to put the coffee away. Then she hurried back to their bedroom. He was already under the covers. She sent a worried glance his way before grabbing her pajamas and heading into the bathroom to change. She changed quickly, not even bothering to remove her make-up or brush her teeth or hair. She left the bathroom and went into their bedroom. Carol made her way to her side of the bed and turned down the covers and slid in. When she looked at Doug, his eyes were open and on hers. He reached out for her and she slid into his embrace and looked up at him. He sighed. 

"She wasn't finished living her life yet." Doug said. Carol smiled a bit. 

"But I don't think she was scared of where she was going either." Carol said. 

"But she didn't get to finish this life. She shouldn't be allowed to go on if she's not finished here yet." He said, pain evident in his voice. Carol stroked her hand across his cheek. 

"She was ready. And she's not dead." Carol murmured. "Not in here." She said and touched his heart. "She said she was going to be your angel, Doug. She's going to be watching you, be with you always." 

"But.." He breath hitched. "She wasn't finished here. She wanted to see our children grow up. They'll never know their grandma." 

"They'll know her through you, if you tell them about her." Carol said. Doug closed his eyes, his breath coming slightly faster. 

"But I wasn't," His voice cracked, "ready to let her go yet." Doug said. Carol's eyes filled with tears for the pain he was suffering. 

"I know, Doug, I know." She said. He opened his eyes and she saw the tears in them. She watched as a tear slid slowly over his cheek. "Oh, Doug." She murmured and kissed the tear away. She had never seen him cry before and wasn't quite sure what to do about it. He tightened his grip on her waist and buried his face against her shoulder. He didn't make any noise as he cried, but she could feel his tears wetting her shirt. Tears of her own slid down her cheeks as she held him tightly against her, rubbing her cheek against his head. 

His body shuddered against hers and she felt her heart break for him. She rubbed her hands over his back and whispered reassuring words into his ear. Nonsense words they were, but they comforted him all the same. 

Minutes later, she felt him stop crying and finally released him, so she could see his face. His eyes were slightly red and his cheeks were wet. He rubbed his hand over his face, embarassed that she had seen and heard him cry. Carol smiled a bit and held his face in her hands before she kissed his mouth gently. 

"Don't be embarrassed." She murmured. "How many times have you seen me cry?" She asked and leaned her forehead against his. He sighed a bit in the aftermath of crying before he spoke. 

"Carol." He murmured. 

"Hm?" She asked. 

"Help me forget for awhile." He asked, begging her with his eyes. "Please. I don't want to hurt anymore." He said. "I need to forget." He whispered. Carol nodded slightly and leaned forward to press her lips to his. Then she backed away a bit and reached down to tug her shirt over her head. He watched her reveal herself and concentrated solely on her and not the grief he felt settled hollowly inside of him. 

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The next day Carol and Doug took the day off work. Doug had wanted to go, but Carol had convinced him not to. Just for a day. So she spent the entire day comforting him and helping him get through it. And Doug had to admit that she knew what was best for him. 

But in the days after that, Doug threw himself into his work. When he wasn't working, he spent his time in Carol's arms. Anything to let himself forget. 

A week after she died, Doug awoke to the sounds of Carol vomiting in the bathroom. He quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to help her. She sat back just as he came in. He dropped to his knees beside her. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. She nodded. 

"I think so." She said, her voice a little hoarse. She motioned toward the sink. "Some water, please." He hopped up to his feet and filled the glass with water before passing it down to her. He wet a washcloth and ran the dampness over her face. 

"Good now?" He asked. She nodded and handed him the glass. 

"Better." She said. He dumped the extra water out and set the glass on the counter beside the washcloth. Then he helped her slowly to her feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist. 

"What was that all about?" He asked as he helped her back to their bedroom. She looked up at him as they lie down together. 

"I think I'm pregnant." She whispered. His eyes lit up. 

"Really?" He asked. 

"I think." She murmured. He smiled and kissed her cheek quickly. 

"Oh, that's wonderful." He said and slid down her body to lay his head on her flat tummy. 

"Anybody in there?" He murmured and ran his hand over her body. She smiled a bit and played with the hair on the top of his head. He stayed there for a few minutes, ear to belly and was completely silent. When he finally moved back up to come face to face with her, she saw that he had been extremely sad. 

"What is it, Doug?" She murmured quietly. 

"You were probably pregnant when she died." He said. Carol nodded. "She just missed it." Doug said, sorrow filling his voice. 

"I know. I'm sorry, Doug." He reached out to touch her cheek. 

"Carol?" 

"Hm?" She asked, looking into his dark eyes. 

"If it's a girl, can we name her Sarah?" He asked. Carol smiled. 

"Definitely." She said. 

"Really?" He asked with a small smile. Carol nodded. 

"Your mother will love it." She said. He nodded. 

"I know." He whispered. 

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Less than nine months later, Doug stood in a hospital room, looking down at the babies in his arms. Twins daughters. Who would have ever thought he'd have two children at once, instead of just one? Two beautiful little girls who already looked so much like Carol. 

Katherine Sarah and Tess Elizabeth. He and Carol had decided earlier use Kate's middle name as Sarah so that she could be called Kate but still be named after her grandmother. Doug rocked the girls in his arms, trying to get Kate to go to sleep. They had had their first meal about a half hour ago. Tess and Carol had immediately fallen asleep afterwards but Kate was fighting sleep as she stared up at her father. Doug refused to put either of them down as he stood by Carol's bed, looking at the three most important females, most important people in his life. Even though he still missed his mother, he knew she was watching over his family and he could be happy forever knowing that. 

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D/C Standalones 


End file.
